The Task of a Husband

So as a new partaker in this incredible union, I often find myself on my knees, talking to God, reading His words, trying to figure out what to do, who I am supposed to be as a husband.  Sure, I have read several books and even been to a conference on the matter, but everything changes once you step out of the stands and into the race.  Because every marriage is different, you find that some of the advice works, other advice fails miserably. 

One night, I found myself reading Paul’s letter to the Ephesians.  There is a part in this letter, Ephesians 5:22-33. where he addresses how married couples are to operate, what parts God has wired them to play in the relationship.  And probably most married people have read and discussed the parts; women are to humbly yield to their husband as they would to the Church; men are to love their wife like Christ would died for those He loved.  At least these seem to be the primary focuses in today’s Christian society. 

We often hear that men are to be like Christ and give themselves up to their wives.  This in and of itself is powerful and garners much attention.  But what I have failed to see in today’s Christian literature is the answer to a very important question:

Why?

Why are we to give ourselves up for our wives?

The purpose lies well beyond the functionality of a relationship.  As with most things, when God tells us how to live our lives, there is something deeper, richer going on under the surface.  So I dug a little.

Verses 26-27 are very interesting in how the comparison of Christ as a husband of the Church to men as the husbands of their wives continues.  It says: 

“…to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless (NIV).”

As I read this, something clicked.  I don’t think Paul put this in on accident or as just a side note.  There is something her about who we are supposed to be as husbands to our wives.

Paul’s parallelism of Christ and husbands is an unavoidable given.  Christ’s love for the church is the same love we are to model to our wives.  Christ’s desire for the church is the same desire we are to have for our wives.  What is Christ’s desire? 

Of course, this does not come by mandating scripture reading at 5am and prayer at 6am, but it comes by us, living out a life as Christ did while He stood on this planet.  We are supposed to be our wives’ best example of Jesus.  Christ did not lead by dictatorship, but by example. 

This is tough stuff; a lot of weight is placed on the husband.  Jokingly, I understand why Paul in 1 Corinthians said that if a person does not have the desire to get married, that they should not.  Life is just sometimes easier going solo.

Man.  I can already feel it; it is dangerous for me to write these things.  As I acknowledge what the Bible says about a man’s responsibility to his wife, I am inadvertently setting an extremely high level of expectation for me as a husband.  And, yes, my wife will probably read these words, creating self-inflictive accountability.   

But I must write.  God gives us men these amazing creatures called women that He loves passionately, and He will want them back.  They are not ours; they are His, and we will be help responsible for our role as a husband in their lives.  How did we aid in their pursuit of holiness?  How did we model Jesus for them?  How did we help them become just as God wants them, without wrinkle or blemish, holy and blameless?